10. Brian James…
When Brian died nearly 4 years ago, this is what I posted to share with those that knew him - and knew us.
I met Brian Stash nearly 30 years ago.
We were both working summer jobs at the UofA bookstore. I was smitten right away but I know for Brian it took longer. I was a lot for the quiet and shy person he was. We started dating and 9 years into our relationship we finally got married. Two years after that we made the decision to do something neither one of us had any intention of doing: have a child. Ian was a miracle to both of us, neither one of us expected to love something so much, but for our relationship it was difficult. We did not work together to be a family, we struggled on how to navigate this new dynamic, and as the years progressed we lost our way as a couple. When Ian was 9 we realized the damage was done and neither one of us could forgive or find a way to start again at square one. We separated. It was difficult on all of us.
As time moved on from that our anger at each other dissipated and we realized that no matter what our status was as a couple, we were family and deeply connected, not only through Ian but just with all of our time and history. We never got around to a divorce. This week, that has turned out to be a good thing. For the last 6 years, we have been friends.
On Monday, June 17 Brian had an accident. No one really knows what happened, but he fell in the parking lot of his apt complex and struck his head on the pavement. Someone called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. He had severe brain trauma. It was very bad, they told me. For 10 days Brian struggled with small ups and big downs. Ian and I just wished and hoped that this was all just a very long road to his recovery. But it was all just too much.
We made the decision to let him go.
Brian is an organ donor and in the end he will help countless people. If you are so moved, by either knowing Brian or knowing me or Ian and would like to honor is memory, we ask that you make a donation in his name to any non-profit that is near and dear to you that helps make the world a kinder, gentler place. PP, LGBTQ support organizations, the ACLU, climate change or even to your favorite Democratic presidential choice.
I ask that you let Ian know of your choice so that he can see how the goodness and love of all those that know us is, in his dad’s name, spreading out to make the world a better place.
We are hunkered down just trying to get through this. We have people wanting to support us and are surrounded with love.
But we miss him.
