4. Sweet Tart Jelly Beans
I love these jellybeans called sweet tart jellybeans. I discovered them when Ian was probably three or four years old. The first year I discovered them I think they literally were the only thing I ate for weeks, bag after bag after bag. I probably gained 5 pounds just literally living on jellybeans. The next year I noticed that they came out February 15 - when Easter candy makes its way to all of the stores. And these jellybeans, being very popular, would run out before Easter so as the years went by I knew to be prepared! On February 15 I would go to my local box store and buy six or eight bags… Then continue to supply myself until Easter. Then Bret found out that you could order them online from Amazon and he would periodically order them in the middle of the year or buy six or so bags just after Easter to ration them out to me to continue my jellybean lifestyle.
I wouldn’t let anybody else in the house have any jellybeans, except for maybe the yellow and purple ones which weren’t my favorite. And I noticed that as the Easter season went on the blue jellybeans, which were the tartest, would get more sugary as the weeks passed. Clearly a supply chain issue.
My friend, John at work would also buy me two or three bags and casually say to me “Oh, I was at target and saw these. Aren’t these the ones you like?” John keeps close to the vest about people he likes and cares about so this was his way to show he loved me.
This year, because I tried to pretend that Valentine’s Day wasn’t coming, I was in a Target after February 15 and there they were… these bags of colorful jellybeans staring up at me. My heart sank because even though these jellybeans didn’t start with Bret, they became a big deal to him as a way to “make me happy“, so I bought a few bags. I have eaten them but I still have several left because they bring me no joy. They are another reminder of memories of love and they no longer mean that. They just mean sadness and loss.
When you think of all the things you lose, and all the things that change when someone you love dies, you forget all the little things.
Like jellybeans.
